In memoriam integritatas
The student who would truly understand
the workings of our great bribe-o-cracy,
how money trumped the people of our land,
should first of all investigate UC.
If you're a chancellor or president
your friends will stuff you golden till you pop;
UC's renowned top-heavy management
derives from heavy metal at the top.
Such bribes ensure that you will vote in line
when stuffing-time again is on the plate
and regents can relax that all is fine
and they'll in turn be bribed without debate.
It only works for honchos: for a clerk
it hardly even pays to come to work.
Among the bribe-o-cratic lords of earth
the bribe, dear student, long ago replaced
such antique terms as merit, work, or worth,
which, spurn'd, adjourn'd as bribery was embraced.
And so with those the regents now anoint:
the bribe-o-crats consider it a gag
to serve the U for any other point
than access to the bribers' stash of swag.
They bribe to hire, bribe to make you stay,
a bribe's held out in every hand you shake,
they bribe you six or seven times a day;
you're frown'd upon if not upon the take.
They bribe you half a million to retire:
the clerical they simply yawn and fire.
Jonathan C. Petty
University of California, Berkeley and
Coalition for University Employees (CUE)